Week 11: I Love You, Man

Dates: 9th September – 15th September, 2013

Bottle shop: New World Newtown, Wellington


  1. Original Pale Ale, by Coopers (6 x 375ml bottles, $12.99)
  2. Best Extra Stout, by Coopers (single 750ml bottle, $4.99)

Total: $17.98

Break out the tissues, people – ‘cos this week’s post is a love letter.

When I was buying my beer this week, I found myself scanning the six-pack selection at the same time as a women who was buying for someone else (I say that because she actually uttered the words “What the hell did he want again?”, not because I’m a sexist dick). We reached for our six-packs at about the same time: I grabbed my six of Coopers, while she went for the poster-child of Generic Pale Lager: Heineken. She placed the beers in her trolley, then turned and walked away.

I felt like calling out after her – yelling something to the effect of: “Hey! Wait! Don’t you realise that Coopers is waaaay more interesting, AND cheaper???” It seems utterly counter-intuitive to me that if I’d actually called out after her, I’m the one who would have looked like a dick – not her for choosing the most over-rated (and over-priced) consumer product on the planet, instead of grabbing something with a bunch more soul.

Coopers Original Pale Ale isn’t the best beer in the world. But it’s one of these consistent performers that I love so much – a beer which doesn’t smack you in mouth with deliciousness, but is both a) easy to quaff and b) flavourful enough to still be interesting. If Original could talk, its pick-up line would be: “Hi! I’m kind of interesting, but not confrontationally so! And I’m quite inexpensive!” At $12.99 a six-pack – or, even better, $20/dozen on special – this beer is freaking awesome value for money.

Best Extra Stout was a revelation to me – since starting this blog, I’ve opened up my taste buds to darker beers, where previously I had kept them at a distance. My only regret is that I overlooked this beer for far too long – it really is sticky, caramel-y yumminess…just perfect for a cold spring evening. Plus there’s 750mls of it, and it only costs five bucks – so, wa more ‘ja wan?


Coopers is such damn good value for money, that I feel like there has to be a catch – I just can’t figure out how the eff they produce such moreish and delightfully-quasi-interesting beers for such a low price. The only thing I can come up with is that the Coopers family actually make their money from cooking meth (yes, I’ve been gorging on Breaking Bad with the rest of the world), and they’re using the brewery as a front for their ill-gotten gains. Gains which they then use to fund international terrorism. And an elaborate puppy-killing operation.

Or something like that.

But since ignorance is bliss, I prefer to think of Coopers as one of the Good Guys (or Gals) – a family-owned company, producing honest beer at an honest (slash Stupidly Cheap) price. I for one will continue to fund such an operation – and ignore the possibility that I’m directly funding puppy-killing.


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